


Fuck.

by anxiyeet



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU - Alternative Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Color soulmate, F/M, Fluff, Gay Remus Lupin, Godfather Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Sirius, Leukemia, M/M, Remus is a teacher, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Needs a Hug, Sirius uses a leather jacket because he's a bdmf, Smut, Soulmate AU, Soulmate Color AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, fluff/angst, or almost a teacher, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-21 23:55:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8265065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiyeet/pseuds/anxiyeet
Summary: Sirius lives in a world a little bit different. In his world, you can only see the colors black and white until you meet your soulmate. Sirius, however, never found it something of a problem: you see, Sirius is the definition of 'don't give a fuck'. He doesn't want to find his soulmate - doesn't even dream of it. But sometimes, the universe sends exactly what you're not looking for.





	

1

 

Sirius had never been to a Starbucks before. It was simple, the reason, actually. He lived in a world where being outside meant you could bump into the one. Yes. The one. In Sirius’ world, everything was still black and white. He heard James talk about how pink was Lily’s favorite color, or how he knew Sirius would love red. But he didn’t know what color was. Well, he didn’t know it because he didn’t want to.

Sirius doesn’t want a soulmate. It doesn’t matter how many times James tells him how good it feels, or how everything seems brighter, or all of that ‘I’m in love with Lily’ bullshit he loved to lecture him about. Sirius is a free-spirit. _Completely free_. If he found the one everything would change. He wasn’t going to be in pubs and clubs on weekends, he’d be, I don’t know, at home watching some chick flick. Or maybe he’d have to actually wake up next to someone and stay in the morning. Who would want that?

Anyway, Sirius felt compelled to try a pumpkin spice latte, for some reason. Lily loved it, and so did James. So he guessed he could try one. The Starbucks was filled with way too excited people. Almost all of them dressed beautifully, sitting in couples on those high little tables that Sirius didn’t really understand because they didn’t have chairs. They were holding to-go cups with some kind of symbol on it. Sirius sighed. The line was huge, and the only thing he could understand from all the noise of some idiot conversation next to him was someone – he guessed it was an employee – screaming some name. The line however, was way faster than Sirius imagined. It took a couple of minutes for him to be face-to-face with the cashier, asking for a pumpkin spiced latte, even though he didn’t really know what it meant. Sirius was more of a tea guy, y’know? When he finally finished the order – it took some time, the cashier couldn’t spell his name right if his life depended on it – and had £4,90 less on his wallet, he decided to sit on one of those ridiculous tables and wait for his coffee. On one of them – one that actually had _chairs_ – behind him, sat a couple. The guy had long blond hair, he wore a complete suit and Sirius wanted to laugh, who the fuck wears a complete suit like that on a daily basis? It’s not even late enough for some event. _God the guy had a cane._ The girl, with an arm around his and the other over the table, holding some kind of mug, had almost the same colored hair but with some dark highlights. She was wearing a woman’s suit. Well, this was all Sirius could get from their appearances, since all the colors he could actually see were black, white and some shades of grey. They were talking about their first date. The guy was lecturing about how amazing it was that his own soulmate just happened to be his new secretary. Suddenly, Sirius regretted not bringing his phone with him. _Damn, those soul-mates bullshit._

He heard something almost like his name being screamed and suddenly his mind woke up from hearing the conversation next to him. He jumped from the table he was, looking behind him to see that it had already been taken by some other people. Stupid, crowded fucking place. He took his cup looking at the poorly written ‘Sergio’ on it. He sighed, bringing the steaming cup of coffee next to his mouth and drinking a good amount of the liquid. _It was so fucking good. Holy shit_. He wanted to kiss Lily. Even though the drink wasn’t available the whole year (another thing Sirius found ridiculous about the establishment) he really loved it.

Taking his coat from the hanger next to the door, he tried his best to dress it and arrange his scarf, all with one hand and trying to balance the steaming coffee on the other. Sirius managed to get ready and left the Starbucks sighing. Finally. He really hated crowds. Even more when everything was black and white. He seemed so...dislocated.

As soon as he left the door and turned right, someone bumped into him. His eyes closed and he just felt his elbows hitting the ground from the sidewalk, opening his eyes to find his orangey drink completely ruining his white shit.

Wait.

_Orange?_

He looked up and saw t _his gorgeous fucking man,_ with a desperate look on his face, handing out his hand to Sirius and muttering something he couldn’t understand completely. He was utterly shocked. _He was seeing colors_. He could see the gray skies from London, the beautiful pink, blue and red flowers from the bouquet a woman held against the Starbuck’s window. He could see the color of his red all-starts. He was looking around, eyes wide, trying to understand everything that was happening. He was seeing color. He knew their names. Everything looked so amazingly pretty.

“Are you okay?” He heard, looking up rapidly like he had just been shot. “I am so sorry.” The man was prettier than any color Sirius had seen. He took some time to appreciate the beautiful man. He had this light-brown, blond-y hair that seemed to glow somehow. His eyes looked like gold, with some shades of green and chocolate brown spreading through it. _And god his lips_. They were so plump and pink – like they were asking to be kissed right there and now. Sirius took the man’s hand and got up, suddenly remembering that his drink had been ruined and that he was completely soaked in it.

“Fuck me,” Sirius muttered, looking down at his shirt.

“Excuse me?” The man asked, his voice so soft.

“Man, look at what you’ve done.” Sirius flicked his tongue. “Shit. Fuck”

“You really do like swearing, don’t you?” The man asked, taking his wallet out from his pocket. “I insist on buying you another one – what, what was it?”

“Uh, it was a pumpkin spiced latte.”

“Really? How old are you?” The man laughed, Sirius rolled his eyes.

“A friend of mine told me to try it, so I did.”

“Well, I’ll go inside and get it.” He walked past Sirius, who had an unbelievable expression on his face. “Wait here.” Sirius looked at the man’s back, eyes wide and hands on his hips, asking himself how _the fuck_ the man hadn’t realized the colors. Maybe he wasn’t the soulmate? Maybe Sirius saw someone walk by and missed them. Maybe- “Oh my god.” He saw the man get out of the coffee place with eyes wide and a hand covering his mouth. “Holy fuck.”

“Who’s the one that’s swearing now?” Sirius asked, sarcasm dripping from his tongue.

“I-I hadn’t realized.”

“Well, shit.” Sirius smiled. “I thought you were an idiot from bumping into me, but damn.” Sirius chuckled. Kidding.

“Shut up.” The guy was clearly joking. “How-when?”

“Well, I guess you’re my soulmate, and probably happened when you jumped into me and started to owe me five bucks.” He said like it was obvious. Crossing his arms and then uncrossing them, realizing that he’d just ruin his favorite leather jacket as well. The man in front of him had both his hands on each side of his head, eyes still wide. Then he ran the hands through this hair and back onto his face, placing them on his hips.

“Of all the ways I imagined meeting my soulmate, this was definitely not one of them.”

“I wasn’t expecting to actually find a soulmate at all, so,” Sirius wanted to fucking leave.

“My name’s Remus. Remus Lupin.” The man held his hand out at Sirius. He looked at it, and then back at the greek god in front of him. Shit. Sirius took his hand and tried to smile.

“Sirius Black.”

“So you’re related to Dora?” The man asked.

“Dora? You mean Tonks?” Sirius re-asked, raising an eyebrow. “How do you know my cousin?”

“So you are.” He smiled, and god. Sirius wanted to die. “She’s my friend.” Sirius rolled his eyes again. “We study at the same building.”

“Oh!” Sirius looked actually amazed, even though his tone was mocking-y. “So you’re one of the smart ones?”

“The smart ones?” Remus laughed.

“Yeah, the college people.” Sirius leaned against the Starbuck’s wall. “London University, I’m guessing?”

“Yes. English.” Remus leaned on his side on the wall. “Major.”

“Y’wanna be a teacher?” The conversation just _started_. Sirius, somehow, couldn’t control his own mouth from asking the beautiful stranger questions. Everything about him brought him some kind of peace. He didn’t even think about the new colors, or how he was probably in the worst situation he could possibly want.

Sirius wasn’t a commitment man. Nope. No. Uh-uh, never. He liked to, as Lily would put ever so lightly, “fuck around and get _the fuck out_ the next morning” – maybe he wouldn’t even spend the night. He’d just fuck a girl (or a bloke, it’s a free country) and get out before things could get more serious. _He just didn't like things to get Sirius_. That was his punch line.

“Actually, yeah.” Remus smiled to the ground, intertwining his fingers over his crotch. “It’ll take some time, but yeah I want to.”

“Y’know, my best friend and his soulmate have a kid.” Sirius smiled, Remus made sure to capture it. “His name’s Harry. Harry Potter.” Remus smiled too. “He’s five. Already so big!” Remus chuckled. “Maybe when you start teaching, you might be his professor.”

“Yeah, Maybe.” Remus' voice broke. “He sounds lovely,” Remus said softly, almost in a whisper, trying to take back his voice. An energetic smile planted on his face. “You really love him, don’t you?”

“How can you tell that? You don’t even know me.” Sirius’ smile went away, but the feeling of sudden peace on thinking about his adorable godson stayed.

“We _are_ soul-mates.” Sirius looked at Remus, locking their eyes together. All of a sudden, Sirius felt lost. His eyes were so beautiful, he was beautiful. A warm feeling took over his chest, Sirius lifted his hand very close to Remus’s cheek. The man didn’t move an inch, almost like he was waiting for the touch. His hand brushing against the soft, warm olive skin. He felt himself leaning in...

That was it.

Sirius started to freak out. _How did he let this get so far?_

“Anyway,” he got up, watching as Remus’s expression went from peaceful to completely confused. “I gotta go, so-”

“Wait- uh,” Remus looked for something on his pockets, hovering over and inside every possible place something could be. Abruptly, he took a piece of paper from one of them, handing it to Sirius. “Here.” Sirius took the paper suspiciously. It read: _‘Remus John Lupin, Tutor. (020) 99890-89876’_ Sirius couldn’t help but smile. “Call me. So I can – you know, pay up.”

“Sure, yeah.” Sirius cleared his throat, trying to forcefully remove his smile.

“See you around, Sirius.” Remus smiled and turned around.

Sirius suddenly remembered the world was colorful again.

 

 

2

 

“So he’s your soulmate?!” Lily screamed, making James jump coming from the kitchen with three cups of tea on a tray. Normally, Lily was a very quiet, composed woman. But all of a sudden, enlighten by Sirius’ romance life turning alluring, she had a fetch for being excited. Even too much. “You can finally see my hair!” She smiled broadly at the half-naked Sirius on her couch. He had taken off his shirt and sweater, Lily was washing them in the hope of giving Sirius’ clothes back at the end of the afternoon tea. Being the spiky red-head Sirius somehow knew she was, she’d make him wait. Lily surely wished she’d knew Sirius was coming before sending Harry to kindergarten – the boy loves Sirius. And Sirius normally only shows up like this, without calling, that is, after some one-nigh-stand. “Did you hear that, James?”

“Yes, I believe the whole neighborhood heard it, honey.” James placed the tray on the center table in front of Sirius, then sat on the couch’s arm beside Lily, kissing the top of her head. Sirius looked at the ground. Did he want something like that? He didn’t really know anymore. _Oh no. No, no, no, no. He didn’t want something like that. Calm your titties, Sirius._ “So you finally got it, huh, mate?” James turned to Sirius, who snapped back to reality from gazing at the steaming cup of tea, picking it up.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“So,” Lily crossed her legs, taking James’ hand in hers. “when you’re gonna have a date with him?” James smiled at his wife and looked up at Sirius, waiting for an answer.

Sirius sighed, playing with his wolf-shaped chain – he always does that when he’s nervous, which is almost never. So James and Lily knew he was having trouble. “We didn’t really arrange anything.” _Because I don’t want a fucking soulmate._

“Oh god,” Lily let out a huge disappointing-sounding breath. “what did you do, Black?” How did Lily always know whenever Sirius did something wrong? I mean, she was probably the reason he was sent to the principle’s office about one hundred times when they were kids.

“First of all, the guy bumped into _me,_ okay? Not the other way around.” James’s eyes went wide. Sirius looked down at his cup again.

“I didn’t hear it was a bloke.” James’ expression went suddenly serious. “Is he fit?”

“God, James. He’s gorgeous. I don’t know how to explain.” Sirius placed the mug on the tray again, getting up from the couch and running a hand through his long, black hair. He had black hair. “He’s a student, wants to be a teacher. He somehow knows Tonks-”

“Oh, so he has a girlfriend?” Lily asked, her tone suddenly compassionate.

“What?” Sirius stopped his muttering to look at Lily. “He said she was his classmate.”

“Yeah, that’s definitely code for banging,” James said. Lily agreed shaking her head yes.

“Do you really think so? I mean, he looked pretty single to me.” Sirius felt his chest clench, the feeling of warmth that took over his chest moments ago fading quickly into something that he assumed to be worry.

“Tonks always tells me about this...What’s his face? Remus, I think?”

“Yeah!” Sirius screamed, excited. “That’s his name!”

“Well, she talks about him like they’re dating, Sirius. It really sounds like they’re together.” Sirius’ expression went from excited, to blank to sad in seconds. “Dora is always telling me how great he is to her.”

“Shit. Fuck.”

“Did you do something?” Lily asked. “I mean, besides falling on your ass.”

“I...Nothing, I did nothing.”

“Bollocks.” James spat, receiving a slap from Lily.

“Well, Sirius. If you want my serious advice, which you probably do due to the circumstances, you should see him again. I did that with mine, and I’m the happiest person alive.” She smiled at James, who kissed her nose and then her lips ever so lightly, trying his best not to expose Sirius to a lot of PDA. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ – was the only thing in Sirius mind. He didn’t really bloody care about fucking PDA. He had a soulmate for fuck’s sake. “But make sure he’s single first. You don’t want a soulmate in a relationship.”

“You got to meet your soulmate when we were still in high school.” Sirius almost screamed. “I didn’t even want one!” He ran a hand through his hair again, letting out a shaky breath. “ _I don’t want one_. Shit.” Lily actually started to think it was better to leave Harry at the school today, Sirius sure loved to swear. “My chest feels tight. I can’t breathe.”

“It may be the soulmate bond,” James said, getting up from the couch and standing in front of his friend, his doctor instincts kicking in. He placed his hand on Sirius’ forehead, checking his temperature. “Yeah,” He took the hand off. “it’s the bond. It’s almost like if your body is fighting against you leaving him.”

“Fuck.”

“Sirius.” The man turned to her, his breathing shaky and heavy. “Go meet him.”

Sirius didn’t want to. But something inside him screamed for Remus.

Even if colors weren’t Sirius’ thing.

 

3

 

Sirius decided the best way to forget about Remus was to fuck a man that looked just like him. Yes. Maturity Level 10. But what else could he do? Getting a fucking soulmate wasn’t on his plans. So he ran to his back-up plan: fucking another person that looked a lot like the last person so that he wouldn’t have to face the last person. Yes. It makes complete sense.

The only problem was that even though Sirius had his soulmate now – Remus didn’t look very interested either, in his defense – he had this _need_. He didn’t really understand what it was, but it kind of fucked him up. He thought about Remus while he was eating, working, partying when he was in the shower (which resulted in other things besides thinking) and he dreamt about the guy (which also lead to other things besides dreaming). But it really hurt him, somehow. It’s like being away from Remus after seeing the world colored again made him sad.

The thing is, Sirius never wanted to meet his soulmate. He knew that he’d have one. He knew that maybe the person he’d meet would be perfect – like Remus was. And it scared _the shit_ out of him. He was used to be aloof, someone that didn’t take life seriously enough to actually give a fuck, but he couldn’t deny that it hurt. And shit, it hurts so fucking much. Maybe giving Remus a call wasn’t such a bad idea. Maybe he didn’t have to fuck another man or deny that everything felt like it was falling apart because of a man he didn’t really know yet. He took the little piece of paper from the front pocket of his pants and sighed. It was all folded up, but when he touched it...something, a light, a warm feeling, a spiky rush down his spine... It felt like hope. Sirius gazed at the piece of paper for a long time before deciding to take his phone and _just call him already._

“Breathe, Sirius.” He told himself, bringing the phone to his ear and breathing in deeply. “C’mon, pick up.”

“Hello?” The voice behind the phone asked, and Sirius freezes. “Hello?”

“Hell-o” Sirius stuttered, cleaning his throat. “It’s Sirius.”

“Oh, hey!” Sirius could hear Remus’ smile through the phone. “What’s up?”

“I’m good – yeah. You?”

“I’m completely fine – Shh, Dora will you stop?” Sirius heard Remus talking to Tonks on the other line, his blood suddenly went cold.

“I was thinking, uh, maybe you’d like to have dinner with me...sometime?” Sirius was never nervous. Sirius doesn’t get nervous. It’s like his superpower. _So why the fuck was he nervous with Remus?_

“YES!” Remus screamed so loud that Sirius had to put his phone away from his ear. “I mean – Yeah, sure.”

Sirius couldn’t contain the smile that took over his face. The feeling of nervousness vanished. “You free tonight?”

“Well, I have a doc-” Remus stopped in his tracks. “How about eight?”

“Perfect, text me your address and I’ll pick you up.” Remus made some kind of agreeing sound, Sirius took it as a continue. “Do you have a problem with bikes?”

“No, why?”

“Nothing,” Sirius grinned. “See you later, Remus?”

“Goodbye, Sirius.”

When he turned off the phone and realized what he’d just done, one little, quiet word escaped Sirius’ mouth:

“Fuck me.”

Okay, two words.

 

4

 

Sirius was nervous. No – Nervous was sugarcoating it. He was complete and utterly losing his shit. As mentioned before, Sirius’ superpower was not getting nervous. Never. Everything he liked in life revolved around not getting nervous. He liked to flirt, to have casual sex _and holy shit why now?_ You see, Sirius had never felt like this before. So strongly about someone. Remus was special. And obviously, Sirius knew why: Remus was his soulmate.

Actually, no. He didn’t want to believe it. James told him it was bloody insane. Sirius knew that the world was colorful, that he suddenly could see orange, and pink and red. But he did fight his whole life for not-knowing. Everything Sirius was, everything he honored himself to be was not giving a fuck. Because if Sirius did give a fuck, _he’d completely lose it._

He decided, then, to treat Remus just like any other date.

If he found himself to be able to.

“James, mate, I’m freaking out,” Sirius screamed through the phone.

“Bloody hell, man!” James whined. “The phone is right next to my ear, there’s no need to shout.”

“Just – help me, Prongs.” James smiled, Sirius never called him by his nickname. They hadn’t used it since high-school, when whenever they wanted to communicate during class, they’d use those secret nicknames to avoid getting caught. That was until James found Lily. “I’ve never been this nervous in my entire life.”

“Ha-ha,” James laughed. “I remember the feeling. When I had my first date with Lily I thought I’d die.”

“And what’d you do to make it stop?” Sirius sounded so desperate. James almost pitied him. Almost.

“Mate, when you see her – sorry, him...Everything changes. The whole nervous thing it just vanishes, like it’d never been there.” Sirius smiled. “This soulmate thing is more powerful than you think it is.”

“Well, I don’t really know much about soulmates. Trying to escape it and all that.”

“You should google it before your date. Try to understand it better.”

“Nope. I’ll treat Remus just like he’s a normal person.”

“So you’ll treat him like one of your whores?” He heard Lily say, and suddenly, Sirius got up from the couch and breathed in.

“James, _buddy_ , am I on speaker?” Anger was dripping from his tongue.

“Sorry, mate.”

“Bye, Sirius!” Lily said, sarcastically sweet.

“Goodbye, you idiots.” Sirius turned his phone off and sighed, smiling. They were idiots, but he wouldn’t be able to live without them. Sirius sighed again.

Placing his phone on the table, he took the time to appreciate the colorful flowers on his centerpiece. Yellow, red and blue. Sirius was particularly fond of red. James that bastard. He really knew him. Maybe James was right. Maybe he needed to google some shit...Try to understand why he wanted Remus so badly.

No, Sirius. No. Remus is just another hot guy that you’re buying dinner to. He’s not your soulmate. He’s just a very...very hot guy.

Sirius shook his head and buffed, looking at the clock on his wall. 7:30. He needs to leave in a few minutes.

His heart raced.

“James you better be fucking right about this ‘seeing the person’ thing.” He talked to himself. “I didn’t spend a lifetime on savings for you to make me hit a fucking lamp post.”

 

 

5

 

“Are you going to tell him?” Nymphadora asked, taking another page marker from the table and placing on her brand new copy of ‘The Catcher in the Rye’.

“About?” Remus asked peacefully, looking in the mirror and trying to decide which bow-tie suited his shirt best. Blue or Red, blue or red-

“About the thing, Remmy.” She closed the book angrily, getting up from the couch and standing behind Remus, looking in the mirror with him. “He’s your soulmate.”

“Which is exactly why I’m not telling him about the thing.” Remus sighed. “I didn’t want a soulmate at all, but damn, Dora.” He breathed in. “You gotta see him...He’s so beautiful...He makes me feel so at peace. I don’t understand how this works in any way but I really like him.”

Remus and Nymphadora knew each other for five years now. The first time they talked, the girl had her eyes wide and her mouth dry. She used to have a crush on Remus. But when she learned the man was gay and not interested, her opinion changed: she now had a gay best friend – or so Remus thought.

Years and years went by and they decided to live together. The dorms just weren’t working anymore for both of them. It wasn’t only the constant smell of weed or the sex noises Remus was completely and utterly tired of hearing. It was the constant need for independence. Both of them dreamt of getting a place in London and live by their own rules. So they got a little – very little – house just outside London together.

The pink-haired girl laughed. “I get it. And you know that better than anyone.”

“Dora...” Remus started, his tone apologetic.

“Don’t wear a bow-tie. You look better without it.” She changed the subject and rushed her hand on Remus’s shoulders. “You look gorgeous.”

“Thanks, Dora.” Remus smiled brightly, looking at his clock. His eyes went wide. “It’s already eight. Why isn’t he here yet?” Remus really was a little of a drama queen. Nymphadora liked to laugh at every attempt of Remus’ to defend himself upon the teasing he got from her every day. Sirius was literally a quarter of a second late. “Is he standing me up?”

“Oh, my god. Remus.” Dora rolled her eyes. “Just wait, there’s a lot of traffic in London.”

“I know it’s just-”

“You’re nervous.” She sat back down on the couch, taking her book. “And he’s late.” She sighed. “A millisecond late, drama queen.” She muttered under her breath. Remus almost didn’t catch it. Almost.

Just as Remus breathed in to answer his sassy friend, he heard a horn.

“See.” Tonks looked at him, a face-splitting grin on her face. Remus rolled his eyes and took his wallet, phone, and key from the table. Heading to the door. “Good luck, Remmy.” Was the last thing he heard.

Good luck indeed.

 

 

6

 

Sirius decided horning another time would just show Remus he was way to eager. And Sirius never wanted to seem like he craved for attention or affection, no. Sirius was completely independent and self-assured. Horning two times would show his desperation. Not that he was any desperate. But the horn was really close to his hand. Way to close. Actually, Remus might not have heard him. Maybe-

“Hey!” He heard Remus say. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

When Sirius turned around, he didn’t really know what to do. Remus looked even more beautiful than he had when they first met. The man was wearing a pair of beige pants, the ends rolled up to his ankles, on his feet couple of black oxford shoes. A nice, gray sweater looked comfy over a white buttoned up shirt. He held in his hand a scarf and a black coat. His hair was still messy and beautiful – _Sirius wasn’t complaining._

But then he realized. It was gone. The feeling of nervousness and fear was gone. James is a fucking _prat._

“Hi, you – you look gorgeous.” Sirius leaned against his bike, almost falling over and managing to drop the bike on the ground in the process. Remus laughed and Sirius frowned, getting the bike back up.

“That was very classy, Mr. Black.” Remus mocked. “But thank you. You look beautiful too.” Remus said but Sirius was almost sure he was lying. He wore a pair of black jeans, his favorite Adidas sneakers, a simple white shirt and his leather jacket, his hair, however, was divided into a long fringe and a messed up man-bun (bike helmets are not a very ‘keep your hair-do looking fine’ accessory). “So this is the bike you told me about.”

“Yeah,” Sirius smiled. “James calls it hippogriff. I don’t really know why – but I guess it’s because of the symbol it has.” He pointed to a winged animal-y symbol on the side of his grayish bike.

“Yes! That right there is a hippogriff. It’s a legendary creature which has the front half of an eagle and the hind half of a horse.” Remus crossed his arms and smiled, Sirius couldn’t help but smile as well.

“How the fuck do you know that?”

“I’ve read a lot of books in my free-time.”

Sirius grinned and picked up a yellow bike helmet, placing it on Remus’s hands. “Ready for the ride of your life?”

“Where’ we going?” Remus asked, trying to figure out how to place the helmet on his head without looking like a dork.

“How about Three Broomsticks?” Three Broomsticks wasn’t exactly the fanciest place in town. It was very nice and romantic, but also casual and fun. Sirius thought that maybe Remus would like things to be as comfortable as possible – just like he’d want to.

“I love that place!” The thing is, in the Three Broomsticks, they had the _absolute best chocolate milkshake ever_. Sirius didn’t know this thing about Remus yet, but he’d surely find out how the boy was in love with chocolate, books, and green tea. “You don’t understand, I absolute adore it!” Remus was almost jumping in excitement. Sirius chuckled and mounted the bike, placing his red bike helmet on his head and turning to Remus, starting the bike.

“Let’s go then, we don’t want to get in line.” Sirius smiled. Remus tried his best to place the helmet on his head, and after a few grunts of hatred, he finally got it right. Sirius was practically dying under the helmet trying to contain his laugh, his best effort not to make fun of his date.

“Shut up, Black.”

“Wow,” Sirius started sarcastically. “Not even a first date yet and you’re already treating me like that?”

“You deserve it,” Remus said, wrapping his hands around Sirius’s waist. Grabbing tightly on his shirt. “Now start this bike and let’s get going.”

“Yes, sir.” Sirius moved his leg a couple of times and the bike started, making Remus jump at the loud noise it made.

Remus, in the beginning, was completely terrified. He didn’t want Sirius to know – but who am I kidding? The man knew the moment Remus’s grabbed his shirt for the life of his – because he’d sounded so excited about taking Remus on his bike and god...Remus couldn’t deny it. Fuck this soulmate thing.

The ride actually was so peaceful. The sound of the cars and horns, everything seemed to go down, like he’d just pressed the mute button on the world. He could feel the air brushing against his face and messing up his hair. Remus wasn’t kidding when he said that somehow Sirius made him feel safe. He just felt like everything that was supposed to happen to him would just...vanish. Remus felt his eyes close, resting his forehead on the gap between Sirius’s shoulder blades. It sure felt like they were flying on a mystical creature – even if it was only for a second.

He didn’t even feel the time pass him by, when Sirius suddenly stopped the bike, shaking Remus’s head when he tried to get up. Remus opened his eyes to see his soulmate’s beautiful gray ones.

“Hey, sleeping beauty.”

“I’m sorry. It just felt so nice.” He took the helmet off, placing it on the bike.

“I’m glad you liked it.” He smiled, brushing a lock of Remus’s hair from over his eyes. “How about we enjoy the other part of the date?” Remus sighed, getting up from the bike. “Maybe we could order the desert first to keep you awa-”

“YES!” Remus felt more energized than ever.

Sirius laughed and took his hand casually, making both the man shiver with the touch. Remus looked down at their intertwined hands with eyes wide, his expression softening into a warm smile. Sirius didn’t even realize that he had grabbed the man’s hand. Fuck. Even though Remus sounded like a wonderful dream, Sirius couldn’t help but wonder how come he was all for leaving his playboy lifestyle – he loved being a bloody fuckboy – so suddenly and so easily? He really needed to read into this soulmate thing. Maybe he should call James and ask for advice.

But Remus’ hand in his felt so good.

“Let’s get in?” Sirius woke up from his thoughts and discerned they had been standing in the doorway of the restaurant (hand in hand, he might add) for a couple of minutes now. Remus looked intrigued.

“S-Sure.” Sirius cleared his throat. Stuttering now? Really?

As they got in, Remus felt the energy of the place lifting his spirit. God, he loved this place. Everything about it. The way the tables had this ancient look to them, almost like they’d been in an enchanted castle. How the waitresses and waiters looked so elegant in those little black aprons – even though the place wasn’t really fancy, per se. The smell of yams on the oven and chocolate ice-cream. It felt so familiar to him. The colors from the place, though. Remus was eyes-wide gazing at the place. He didn’t really notice the colorful paintings hung on the walls, the blue and red lights from the bar, the beautiful yellow flowers that sat on blue vases over the tables until he could see how beautiful they really were. Colors felt to pretty but also so strangely familiar.

He looked at the bar and wondered if he’d take a mojito or something. Maybe it was a bad idea, considering he almost fell asleep on a bike a couple of minutes ago. Shit. He almost fell asleep on a bike a couple of minutes ago. Remus wasn’t the type to sleep quietly and early. He got used to all-nights working on his thesis, but something felt wrong. And Remus knew exactly what it was.

They sat down in a booth. Sirius had a plan. Booth = comfy and close, dark booth = mood. So, date in a booth = getting laid. He smiled to himself and grabbed the menu, looking down at the possibilities. God, he thanked himself for stealing James’s credit card before. He didn’t know if he could afford a good (a getting laid good) date being jobless. He wanted his job as a Police Man back so bad. He needs to stop banging his colleagues. He watched Remus on the corner of his eye, observing how the man bit his lip, stopping himself to chuckle or scream at the treats on the paper. Sirius smiled, feeling his cheeks burn. He slides his hand, landing it on Remus’s thigh, making the man give a small jump from the scare. But Remus just gave him a soft smile and kept looking at the menu. Fuck, Sirius pull yourself together. He’s just a normal person, a hot date. Just that. Breathe in-

“So we’re going with dessert first?” Sirius asked. If people around him listened, they’d think he was talking to a child – definitely not his date.

“You know, even though I think that’s a brilliant idea, I’d rather drink a milkshake and just order normal food,” Remus spoke like he was deciding the fucking future of an entire country.

“Whatever you want.” Sirius actually meant it.

“Have you decided what d'wanna eat?”

“Yup,” He looked at the menu. “I want a butterbeer and an all-in burger.” He smiled, proud of his choices.

“I think I want the chocolate milkshake and the chicken salad.”

“Believe me, a salad is not going to compensate for that milkshake. I think Berta puts more sugar than milk on that thing.” Remus chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess not...” He bit his lip. Sirius found it adorable. “So I want the bacon pancakes.”

“Amazing choice, I believe those are the best things ever.” He smiled, Remus laid the menu down and grabbed Sirius’ hand that laid on his thigh, smiling too.

They called the waiter in and asked for their food. Actually, Remus asked for it, emphasizing the milkshake all he could. Sirius couldn’t help himself but look at Remus with the fondest smile ever. If Lily was there, she wouldn’t stop teasing him about it for a month. However, for some reason, Sirius didn’t mind looking like a fool.

“Tell me something about you, Black.”

“Um, I hate when people call me by my last name,” he grinned as he watched the horrified look on Remus’s face growing. “Just kidding. But it does remind me of a teacher I had in high school. She was a pain in my ass.”

“I didn’t get to go to high school,” Remus said, his voice suddenly low. “I had some...problems, so I’m homeschooled.”

“Well, you didn’t really lose anything.” Sirius chuckled nervously. “It was fun when James and I would prank and shit...But then he met Lily...”

“Lily? His soulmate I believe?”

“Yeah...They met in the 7th year.” Sirius suddenly looked blue. “They spent every fucking second together, it was suffocating.”

“That had to suck.” Remus squeezed his hands. “So you were the pranking type?” He asked, trying to change the subject.

That sure did bring Sirius’ mood back up. “Yes! You wouldn’t believe it! Once, I actually brought a cat to class and made some kids believe that our teacher turned into it!”

“I don’t believe you!”

The conversation kept going on the subject. Sirius couldn’t stop talking about every single one of his amazing pranks, and Remus didn’t really care that Sirius wouldn’t really let him speak. The joy that those memories brought Sirius seemed like enough for Remus. He just loved hearing his sweet voice and his laugh. God his laugh.

“Anyway, Lily got mad but that son of a bitch Snape totally deserved it.”

“One all-in burger, one bacon pancake, one butterbeer and one chocolate milkshake.” The waitress gave them both a pretty huge scare. Sirius had a very uncomfortable and fake smile on his face when he muttered ‘thank you’. And Remus started to laugh quietly, hiding it under his hand.

“I think we should eat – are you laughing at me?” Sirius sounded very offended. Fuck, he really was getting into this.

“I’m sorry -” Remus wiped away a tear, trying to hold in his laugh but failing completely. “It’s just -” He laughed really loud, giving out a chuckle from Sirius, who was trying to seem serious. “You just -”

“Okay, I get it.” Sirius laughed, grabbing Remus’s hand once again. The future teacher looked at him and sighed, finishing his laughing.

Remus, looking at Sirius’ beautiful gray eyes, felt compelled to tell him the thing. He wanted Sirius to know everything. But to be honest, he was afraid Sirius might leave him. Stop being interested in him, or anything he’d do. And even though Remus was almost sure Sirius didn’t even want a serious relationship, he couldn’t control himself to care. Just being there, talking and laughing for what seemed like ages made him see everything with other eyes.

Remus leaned in, still staring at Sirius’ beautiful eyes – beautiful face, actually. He watched as Sirius smiled to him, leaning in as well. Remus was almost closing his eyes, hearing his heart beat with the stream of a hundred drums, when he stopped. Not Remus, no. Sirius. Sirius fucking stopped, turned to his food, and asked a very confused Sirius a question:

“So, I’ve been talking about myself all night, tell me something about you, Remus.”

“Um -uh,” Remus was still frozen with shock. “As I told you, I want to be a teacher,” _If I get to graduate._ “And I really love chocolate.” Sirius laughed. “I also really love to read. My favorite writer is Anne Rice.”

“The vampire stories?”

“Yeah, she really strikes me. I’m not really fond of fiction but she makes me howl.”

“Howl?” Sirius laughed, bringing yet another bite of his burger to his mouth.

The conversation simply went on. Like they’d been friends for years. It all just felt very familiar.

But Sirius didn’t stop his plan, no. S _irius fucking Black does not enter serious relationships_ and doesn’t like to get to know the people he bangs, so how the fuck every time he even talks to Remus he just feels this need to cuddle him, make him feel safe and spend the rest of his life by his side?

That is why Sirius fucking hates the soul-mates bond. He feels like he’s forced to like someone. Forced to get to know and adore someone. He doesn’t get a chance to understand it, to make it feel like it actually matters. It’s just like he needs to accept the reality and live with it. It shouldn’t be this hard. It doesn’t need to be like this. So why? To be honest, Sirius felt like seeing the world black and white was better than feeling like this.

“Do you want dessert?” Sirius asked, his tone completely sweet even though his thoughts seemed to want the contrary.

“Actually, no.” Remus smiled softly. “Do you?”

“I do.”

“You do?”

Remus didn’t have the chance to blink before he felt Sirius’ lips on his. They were soft, plump and tasted like butterbeer. Remus closed his eyes slowly and lifted his hand up to Sirius' face, cupping his hot cheeks.

Everything fell apart. Sirius didn’t even care if anything happened right now. He didn’t care if he needed to be with Remus forever and no one else. He didn’t fucking care about soul-mates or pumpkin spice lattes or James or Lily. He just cared about Remus. Remus and his beautiful lips on his. Remus that tasted like chocolate and love. Remus – the person he was supposed to love and care for forever. Sirius wanted more.

The kiss started to heat up, both men breathing heavily, feeling their hearts beat fast. Remus broke the kiss first, trying to breathe. Sirius smiled and kissed him again, almost like he got addicted to his taste, to his love.

They broke apart again, Sirius still with a face-splitting grin planted on his face and Remus breathing hard, fingers intertwined with Sirius’. Remus calmed down and just bluntly stared deep into Sirius’ eyes.

“Do you want, maybe, to leave here?” Sirius leaned in his ear, his breath trailing shivers down Remus’ neck. “get somewhere more private?”

“Yes,” Remus answered, feeling Remus kiss his neck. “Fuck. yes.”

 

7

 

As soon as they got to Sirius’s small apartment, they were already eating each other’s faces. Sirius closed the door and made sure to lock it, taking both Remus’ and his coats of and throwing them on the couch behind them. Remus laughed a little into the kiss when Sirius dropped him on the couch and pulled his scarf off of his neck, dropping his head on his neck and leaving a thousand love-bites.

Remus wrapped his legs around Sirius’ waist, his breathing getting heavier and heavier with the time. Sirius still on top of him, got away from kissing Remus – winning a displeased moan from the man – and took off his shirt. Remus lost his breath, Sirius was so fucking hot. He had defined abs and ribs, that little “v” line down his crotch, his chest waxed. Sirius was a fucking sex god.

“Holy shit, Sirius.” Remus moaned, grabbing the man’s hair with one hand and using the other to trace his torso with a finger, eyeing the lines his finger made. He bit his lip.

“Like what you see?” Sirius purred.

“Yeah...” Remus exhaled, feeling his groins starting to heat as Sirius leaned back down and kissed his lips furiously, biting down on his bottom lip. Remus looked him in the eyes and pulled his hair, kissing Sirius again. God, kissing him would turn out to be impossible to resist. He arched his hips so he could feel Sirius against him when he did, he moaned loudly.

“God, Remus...Don’t do that to me.”

“What do you want me to do, then?” Remus grinned, looking into Sirius’ eyes.

“I want you to let me fuck you so hard you’ll not see colors anymore.”

“Oh, yeah?” He asked teasingly, biting his bottom lip. “Hmmm, I think I’ll allow it.”

Sirius took that as a yes and got down from the couch, Remus with one leg on each side of him, still sitting on the couch. Slowly, Sirius got Remus’ pants of, his sweater and his shirt, leaning down and kissing all the way from his mouth to his inner thighs, Remus moaning as each kiss got closer to his evident erection. “Fuck, Sirius, get on with it.”

“Hmmm...” He looked over at Remus and smiled. “I think I’ll allow it.” He kept eyes locked with Remus as he took off his underwear gently, not even bothering to look at his own cock. For what it felt like ages, he leaned down and kissed Remus’ gland, licking the sides of his dripping cock, making Remus grab his long back hair and moan loudly, his whole body shivering and containing itself not to cum.

“Oh god, Sirius!” Remus screamed as the former policeman took it all in, swirling his tongue over it, and then just bluntly swallowing it with fierceness, his already swollen lips around his member. Without letting Remus cum, he brought himself up and took off his belt, wrapping it around his hand. He took Remus in his arms bridal style and lifted him up, taking him to what Remus could only guess it was his bedroom. Getting there, he placed Remus gently on the well-made bed, and took both his hands over his head, placing the belt on the nightstand so he could use it later. He kissed Remus hungrily, then took off his own pants, getting down onto Remus’ chest and playing with his nipples, one hand still grabbing both of Remus’ over his head. “F-Fuck!”

“Do you like that?” He whispered, smiling.

“Fuck, yes! S-Sirius, oh god.” Remus had to hold himself from screaming when Sirius’ hand encountered his member again, slowly rocking it up and down in a sexy motion. “Oh god.”

“What 'd want me to do, huh?” He whispered against Remus’ neck, allowing his hands to run free as the boy grabbed his neck with one hand and ran his nails down his back with the other.

“I want you to fuck me!” He screamed, shoving his head back onto the pillow. “Now! Sirius!”

“Don’t mind if I do.” He smirked, leaning down and taking off his boxers, letting his own erection free. First, he leaned completely down, kissing Remus’ inner thigh and giving it a couple love bites, then, he used one finger and gently fingered his entrance, swirling his finger around, watching as Remus shivered under him, breathing heavily and moaning.

He introduced another finger and then another, bringing himself up to kiss Remus yet one more time so fucking addicting. He grinned and pulled his fingers out, making Remus look him in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah...” Sirius kissed him again. “Wait, do you have a condom?” Sirius looked at him confused for a little and then nodded, reaching onto his nightstand and grabbed a condom, ripping the thing open and placing it on his cock. “Good, good.” He leaned his head back down, gripping the sheets and waiting for Sirius to continue.

Sirius slowly inserted himself on Remus, watching the man’s expression, waiting for his approval. Remus just moaned loudly, gripping the sheets even more strongly, opening his eyes to reveal the tears that looked like they were about to burst. Sirius looked pained and retrieved a moan, going back up, still inside Remus, and kissed him hard, starting to pound him slowly. His hand reached Remus’ and he smiled into the kiss, feeling his fingers almost ripping his hand apart.

Calmly but rushed at the same time – If that made any sense – he started going even more rapidly, hearing the sound of Remus’ moans and their thighs slapping together. Remus’ legs wrapped around his waist while Sirius fucked him and kissed his neck.

It felt so good. I mean, it always feels good. Sirius had had a lot of sex in his life, from a very young age. But shit he didn’t know if it was the whole soul-mate thing (it probably was) but every sound, every time his fingers touched Remus’ warm, soft skin, he felt this shivering feeling, fucking fireworks. He loved every second of it. It just felt so fucking good holy shit.

“Sirius – I’m gonna,” a moan interrupted him, “I’m gonna cum, oh my god I’m so close.” He bit his lip, stopping another moan.

“Me too,” Sirius kissed him slowly, making the pounding a little slower and steady like he was waiting for the climax that was about to come. He continued to kiss him when his whole body started to shiver.

“Sirius!” Remus freed himself from his lips to shout his name. Sirius rapidly catches his lips again as both of them came. “Fuck...”

“Fuck! Remus!” Sirius screamed and kissed him one more time, falling over him from exhaustion.

Both of them were breathing heavily, still completely taken down by their orgasms. Sirius got out from Remus, taking the condom and throwing in the trash. Sirius laid by his side, Remus’ head under his chin, his breathing soft against his chest. He kissed the top of his head and pulled the blankets over them. He felt dizzy. He wouldn’t be surprised if Remus had already fallen asleep.

It was so intense, he was so tired he wouldn’t be able to leave.

Wait. It’s his house.

Sirius never fucks people in his house.

_Fuck._

 

 

8

 

When Sirius woke up, his head felt like it was going to fall off. Shit. He tried to reach to Remus, who was supposed to be lying beside him. He wasn’t. Sirius’ eyes popped open and he sat down on the bad fast. Did Remus leave? He looked around, there were clothes were on the floor, but none of those were Remus’. He tried to found any sign that the bot had left. He was almost lying again to sleep in peace of knowing the man had left when he realized. _The shower was on._

_Fuck, shit, fuck, bloody hell, god dammit oh my god, fuck me now._

_Remus was on his fucking shower._

Sirius ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He got to the point he’d never thought he’d be at. He actually slept a whole night with the man, and, _and_ had the person on his shower. _Remus was on his fucking shower._

This. This is the reason why Sirius didn’t want a soul-mate. Doesn’t. This is the reason Sirius _doesn’t_ want a soul-mate. He knew the moment he’d found _the one_ that everything would go to shit. And it did! It went all to shit! Sirius didn’t want someone else sleeping on his bed. Sirius wants Remus sleeping on his bed. DOESN’T. DOESN’T WANT. _Fuck fuck fuck. He needs to put an end to this right now._

Just as Sirius decided to get up, Remus got out of the bathroom, his underwear back on and the shirt Sirius wore the night before covering his bare chest. A towel over his head “Hey, you.” Remus smiled, brushing the towel against his hair. “Did you sleep well?” He brushed a finger on Sirius’ chin and brought his head up, kissing his lips gently.

Sirius almost gave in. “Remus,” The boy sat down on the bed, little droplets of water running down his neck. It took everything Sirius had in himself not to lick them off. “we need to talk.”

“Sure.” Remus placed the towel on his lap. Shit. He looked so good. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I need you to get out.” Sirius swallowed dry. “Take your things and go.”

“...What?” Sirius couldn’t look at his face. He knew whatever he’d see would fuck him up again. “Sirius, are you joking?” He laughed falsely. “Because it’s not fun-”

“I’m not joking, Remus.”

“What the actual fuck, Sirius?”

“I want you to get out!” He got up from the bed and looked at Remus, throwing his hand on the air in anger.

“So that’s it?” Remus asked, getting up as well. “You’re just going to fuck me like that and tell me to get out of your fucking house?” He was screaming.

“Yes! Get the fuck out, Remus!”

“I can’t believe you right now!” He said, throwing the wet towel on Sirius’ face, storming out of the room into the living room, Sirius followed him.

“I don’t understand!” Remus cried whilst picking the clothes up from the floor. Sirius watched him on the doorway, his eyes stinging with tears. “You-you sounded so good yesterday, I thought you liked me.” His voice was breaking.

Sirius breathed in. “I’m sorry, Remus. It’s just, I can’t, okay?”

“Can’t what, Sirius?” Remus turned to him, face red with the tears. “Tell me! What you can’t do?”

“This...Soul-mate thing.” He almost whispered. Remus got up and sighed. “I can’t, okay? Today when I got up I realized it, Remus!” Remus didn’t move. “You were on my fucking shower! Wearing my fucking shirt, I just can’t.”

“Why does that matter?” He whispered, getting close to Sirius. “Don’t you like people on your shower?”

“It’s – It’s not that,” He chocked on his own words. “I just can’t see myself doing that with someone. I don’t like the idea of commitment, I don’t like it.”

“You’re scared?”

“No! Fuck you don’t understand,” Sirius ran his hand through his face. “I hate this shit. I don’t want a soul-mate.” He looked into Remus’ eyes. “ _I don’t want you.” Lies._

“Okay.” Remus backed down, getting his black coat from the couch. He dressed his pants and put on his shoes angrily. “Okay, I get it.” Sirius knew he didn’t get it. “I’m-” He chocked from crying. Sirius couldn’t look at him. “I’m gonna go, then.” He looked at Sirius one more time, eyes glistening with tears, looking deep into his beautiful grey eyes. “Goodbye, Sirius Black.” Sirius didn’t get to say a word. He just heard the door slam shut and fell on his knees.

_Fuck this. Fuck me._

Sirius started to cry, grabbing his shirt like his hear ache. He couldn’t breathe. The pain felt like knives tearing him apart from the inside. Maybe it’s because of the soulmate bond, he didn’t know. He didn’t understand.

_The only thing Sirius could feel right now was the pain that took over his chest._

 

 

9

 

“Oh my God, Sirius!” Lily almost screamed as she looked at her best-friend, sitting on the ground, wearing only a t-shirt a pair of jeans. He had his face completely red, wet and sticky from the tears. He didn’t say a word. He just stared at the flowers and Remus’ card over the table. “What happened?” She ran her soft hand up and down his arm, an expression of deep sorrow on her face.

“He, Remus, I,” He couldn’t speak. His voice trembled, breathing in heavily.

“James! Come here, you bloody wonker!” James rushed into the room, he’d been on the bathroom the since they got in.

“What happened, mate?”

“He can’t say.”

“Remus, I told them to fucking leave. I freaked out, Lily.”

“What? Wait, Sirius explain it better.” James asked carefully, Lily went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water to her friend.

“We...we had sex last night. God, James. It felt like heaven.” James would’ve made a comment about too much information, but he knew Sirius needed to make himself understand. “I don’t understand why...but Remus just felt different. I felt so happy next to him.” Lily gave him the cup and sat down, Sirius took a sip and continued. “Thanks, Lil. I woke up and he was _on my shower._ He was on my fucking shower! I got so freaked out!”

“Why?” Lily asked, James looked at her disapprovingly.

“I just really freaked out! I didn’t think my life would get like that, Lily. I don’t want a serious relationship. _I don’t like things to get Sirius._ You know?”

“Yeah, you idiot. But you didn’t just sent anyone away. You sent Remus. And you really liked him.”

“But it was all so soon! It was way too fast! I went to sleep thinking about telling him I loved him, for fuck’s sake!” He laughed. “I didn’t even know the guy for a fucking week!”

“It doesn’t matter, Sirius,”

“Of course it matters! I don’t want shit like this to happen! I want to fuck around, and when I finally think about settling down I want the thrill of it! I want the doubt! The getting to know fucking part!” He screamed. “I don’t want a soulmate!”

Lily was about to answer when James’ cellphone rang. “Sorry, it’s the hospital,” He took the call, getting up and heading to the kitchen.

“Sirius you’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” Lily hit him on the head. “You didn’t read about soul-mates, did you?” Lily tried to calm herself. “Did you know that not everyone has only one soulmate?”

“What?”

“Some people have two, maybe even three in a lifetime. Remus is one of them.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Evans?”

“Nymphadora is Remus’ second soulmate. Actually, Remus is her soulmate, but he isn’t his.” Sirius looked at the ground wide-eyed. “When you told me about Remus, I decided to go visit Tonks. She told me about it. She never found another soulmate. And if she did, she doesn’t know, because she already sees everything in color.” Sirius looked back at Lily. “The only chance he has is if someone call her and tell her they saw color for the first time. And sometimes that doesn’t happen.” Sirius was devastated. And jealous. _Why the fuck was he jealous?_

“So he can move on? That’s great.” He sniffed, obviously not meaning one word he’d just said.

“Guys,” James got into the room. “There’s an emergency, I need to head to the hospital. Sorry, I’ve tried to get someone else.”

“It’s okay, mate.” He smiled. “Good luck.”

“Bye, honey.” He leaned down on the girl and kissed her lips gently.

“See you two later.” James closed the door behind him and Lily continued.

“You don’t understand, Sirius. You might’ve been his only soulmate. But you’re a fucking idiot and decided you’re too much of a coward to deserve happiness.”

Sirius looked down and bit his lip. _Why are you so fucking messed up, Black?”_

“I’ll go try and catch James, maybe I can head home. I can’t really look at you right now.” She sounded so disappointed. “You’re such a good guy, Sirius. Even though we joke at you a lot, we really think you deserve to be happy. So please, make yourself a favor and go after him.”

_And Sirius really wanted to._

 

 

10

 

Sirius kept staring at Remus’ business card on the table. He took another sip from his drink and sighed. He couldn’t bring himself up to do it.

He started to think about Remus. Everything seemed so perfect in his mind. Waking up next to him. Smile at the way he loved desserts, or watch him wear his shirt. He thought about taking him to a museum. Remus sounded like the type of guy who’d love to visit a museum someday. Maybe by him books and watch his smile as he opened them, sniffing the smell of new books he admitted to love.

Suddenly the fear left him. Maybe Lily was right. Maybe he did really deserve to be happy. And Remus made him happy.

“Remus makes me Happy.” He said out loud. A smile broke on his face. “Remus Lupin makes em happy.”

Oh, no. Don’t fool yourself. Sirius’ still very afraid of commitment, and probably it’ll take him a lot of time and effort to make things right. But suddenly he felt like he’d be able to try. He felt like maybe trying wasn’t the worst of things.

But he couldn’t make things up alone. He needed a plan.

Waking up from his thoughts, he decided to take the flowers he had on his kitchen table. He got up and ran towards the door, opening it.

What the fuck?

What is happening?

Sirius couldn’t see the color of the flowers. They looked gray. _What the actual fuck?_

He looked around, searching for colors. Somethings still had color on them, but everything seemed to slowly fade away.

Sirius ran to the living room and took his phone and Remus’ card, dialing the number with shaking hands.

“Pick up, Pick up,” He continued repeating it. It went to voicemail. He tried again. Nothing happened. He looked at the phone screen and it was completely gray, black and white.

_What is happening?_

He decided, then, to call Tonks. He looked for the girls number, breathing heavily as the tears ran down his face, something telling him everything was going down to shit.

“Sirius?” The girl answered, her voice breaking. Clearly, she’d been crying.

“What is happening, Tonks? I can’t see colors anymore!”

“Oh...” She sniffed. “Yeah, I guess that happens.”

“What do you mean? What happens? What’s going on?!”

“Didn’t James tell you?”

“Tell me what?” He screamed, shaking and crying. “Nymphadora, tell me! What is it?!” He screamed, looking around for any sign of color.

“Sirius, Remus had leukemia.” Sirius fell down on his knees. Muttering a few words Tonks couldn’t really pick up on. “He’s dead, Sirius.”

“...what?” He sounded so shocked, it actually made Tonk’s heart clench.

“The stress he’d been going through...” She sighed. “It triggered it. He passed out on the train on his way home. Someone called an ambulance and the hospital called me.”

“The hospital called James.” Sirius said, voice low and weak. “He didn’t tell me it was Remus.”

“I guess he didn’t know.” She sighed once more. “I’m sorry, Sirius. But I’ve got to go. They’re calling me.” She talked to someone over the other side of the conversation. Sirius broke down in tears. “I’ll call you later.”

Without tuning his phone off, Sirius broke down on the ground, crying out Remus’ name like it was a prayer. He wanted to take it back. He wanted to go back in time and kiss Remus instead of fighting. He wanted to go back and kiss him one more time.

 

But I guess he got what he’d asked for.

Sirius Black didn’t have a soulmate anymore.

Fuck.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
